?

Log in

Johanna
08 Oktober 2012 @ 23:10
I buried my dog today, and it is taking inevitable toll on me that I knew it would. I have been putting off putting him in the ground. I'll never be able to hold him (the way he was) again. I will never see his furry little face or big brown eyes, except in pictures. I know he is not in pain now, but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to my little man forever.

I love you, Schroeder, and I miss you. You will always be in my heart.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: depresseddepressed
 
 
Johanna
07 September 2011 @ 19:36
34  
I am 34 this week, and no closer to the goals I made for myself once upon a time. Fuck this shit.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: aggravatedOLD
 
 
Johanna
07 September 2011 @ 19:31
Everything seems so pointless lately. I am not making any headway on my bills. I live alone, and will probably continue to live alone for some time. I don't make enough money to support myself. I am not in a relationship, nor do I want to be. I am a lone wolf, divided from the pack. Managing a meager existence, tormented by pointless emotions, that in the end, mean absolutely nothing. I mean...What is this all for? What's the point? I seem to be missing something here. Something. And, yet, I could give a shit.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: apatheticapathetic
 
 
Johanna
17 Juli 2011 @ 20:21
I told Ken to get me a ring or Guitar Hero in Christmas 2009, so it is definitely time to move on...2 years later? And still no ring? It's fucking time already.

MOVE ON!
 
 
Johanna
16 Juli 2011 @ 12:59
I have decided that he is deceptive person who won't commit to anything...and he's still making me crazy...Once again. I need to get rid of Ken. I don't think I am ever going to change my mind on this.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
 
Johanna
16 Juli 2011 @ 12:57
It's really gotten to the point where it is ridiculous, and now he's lost his job.

I really want to break it off. I need to break it off for myself. He makes me so miserable with his selfish arrogance. I need to get out!
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: distresseddistressed
 
 
Johanna
05 März 2011 @ 06:12
So it is now March. I haven't really made a ton of progress towards my goals. I am feeling incredibly confused, but driven more than ever. I want to close the door on the whole CSU thing in one way or another. I also would like to start a new relationship, either with Ken or with someone completely different. All I know, is that I cannot stand keep doing what I am doing. It is making me crazy. Absolutely crazy. Doing the same thing every year. For the last four years. This is not where i pictured myself 10 years ago.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: annoyedannoyed
 
 
Johanna
01 Januar 2011 @ 19:02
Well. Every year, I make the same stupid resolutions.

These are the updated resolutions for 2011:

1. Get rid of Ken OR get a new house. I don't care which. One or the other MUST happen.
2. Move out of the apartment!
3. Commit to another year at Mesa, or quit and go to CSU to finish English...
Start teaching English instead.
4. Grow my hair to my ass cheeks!
5. Go to at least 6 Meetups in Colorado Springs.
6. Check out six books to read (for fun) from the library, and read them.
7. Take a trip out of state.
8. Work at a 2nd job.
9. Plan a minimum of 12 Power Point presentations this Spring.
10. Lose 10 lbs every 2 months, for a year-end total of 60 lost pounds by the end of the year!
11. Lower credit card debt by $500.
12. Track food every day except Saturdays.
13. Apply for new teaching jobs in March.
14. Vacuum and dust once a month.
15. Be happy.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: artisticambitious
 
 
Johanna
07 März 2010 @ 21:47
Yep  
The more I talk to him, the more I realize that he doesn't care about me at all. And he thinks he's better tha me, which is laughable. Time to switch.
 
 
Johanna
19 Januar 2010 @ 20:18
The truth is...I feel totally disconnected. I would write more, but this is something for my own eyes, perhaps. I am alone in the world, and that is the way it should be. I cannot do it anymore.
 
 
Aktuelle Stimmung: blankblank